November 24, 2009

Nothin But A G-Thang Baby / Mommy - Myth? Nay, Legend

What is this you ask? Me, Rachelle, Ms. Ballard if you will, taking a loaded weapon and firing of her own free will and choice? Yes dear readers, this is not a cyber hoax, it is me. It's me, shamelessly practicing my Obama-inhibiting second ammendment right to bear freaking arms. I perhaps appear to be hypocritical to a few specimens that have the pleasure of knowing me well. I have never been a lover of guns, and if given the choice on a multiple choice survey or a government sponsored ballot, I would vote for the disintegration of all guns. Never have loved em. But, after complaining about school for 1,739 hours to Matt and calling it 'stupid' over and over (yes, I know, my verbiage should place me in a scholastic literary hall-of-fame at this point. My brain is fried. don't judge me) Matt took me to a shooting range, placed that 40cal in my stubby costco-hotdog fingers and let me go crazy. Can I just say that It felt great, nay, it was intoxicating/prodigious/euphoric. I know understand all the hype. Although I still do not endorse the whole hunting practice (do not put antlers on me and hide all of my orange all southern utahns, please), I did, however, love this arena of steel and powder. Can I just say that I think I loved it because usually, when the relate-ives go shooting clay pigeons (why are they called pigeons and not hockey pucks?) I usually .... well, suck for a lack of better words. BIG time. Those infamous little devils are wiley and refuse to be hit by my bullets. But at this Get Some Guns and Ammo I was at the top of my game. If you'll notice my 'grouping,' as Ted at the shop told me it was called, is quite good. All of the shots on the hostage were aimed there, FYI. Skanky hostages deserve a lesson or two, Ya win some Ya lose some.
In the end and most importantly, I fully suspect my street cred to up 52 points.


That's what friends/roomates/classmates, etc know my mother as. They all just call her mommy. All of you that know her will be bored because the amazingness of the woman is already concreted in your cabeza no doubt. Also everyone knows that I only have friends because of the endless benefits mommy provides. If I was a missionary, peeps would be begging to be my comp - because of my testimony and people skills? False, because of the packages sent by mommy, easy. Fact: I am blessed, aka spoiled. Fact: Mommy has made my college life a breeze. Fact: If you ever hear me complain you have every god-given right to not only slap me but to paralyze my very tongue. I get frequent little goodies from the home front and they are always desirable little delicatessans. Let me just boast for a moment on how amazing mommy is just this week:

She MADE this cute little coat rack.

she MADE this jewelry frame

She brings me favorite of all the gifts. ZITS and Dilbert, what would my morning be without you?

You'll notice in the box some granola, cleaning supplies, new tubberware (I do NOT feel bad that I can't spell tubberware. I feel like it aids the feminist movement), and all sorts of little goodies.

Thanks mommy SO much for everything. You're a diamond in the roughest patches of humans and only the Book of Life in the C-kingdom will ever know t'why I didn't recieve any of your domestic abilities or general sweetness....I blame father.


-Kyle and Emily- said...
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Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA oh my flippin holy poo on baheejees wheat toasted bread YOU ARE HILARIOUS im glad i know you in person hahhaha how long have you had a blog?? dood i have NOW found my "what to do when theres nothing to do" pass time hobby.... reading your blog tee hee. i only hope that you find some niceness to read mine... even though its just a lot of randomness :D i love your choice of words... even though some of them were to big for my small 11th grade rottening brain., love you tons my shelly comrade,

may the force be with you, Veronica *GUFFAW*