March 29, 2010

mediocre birds

Fact: I need a job
Fact: I need a job in the salt lake arena
Fact: I hate most jobs. I feel they stifle my otherwise free-as-a-bird, life-loving attitude.
Tid Bit: I have no money. This is what I would publish as 'fact,' but I'm fully aware of a impoverished population that would say I am a whiner and an ungrateful nincapoop.
Tid Bit: If Obama doesn't give me back some serious cash from taxes I will hence move to Canada where they have a similar government that he is reaching for and have done it for much longer. I trust longevity.
Opinion: Patriotism is overrated
Disclaimer: I didn't really mean the that
Fact: In this quest for a job, which by the way has left me with an ever declining self esteem rating, I decided to stop looking at 'cute' locations that should have been jumping to hire me upon realizing my charismatic brilliance and a game face that could sell ice to an Eskimo! Anyway, upon stopping to contemplate I thought, "Chelle, what are your viable skills?" This left me feeling tired. So, after all this contemplation it hit me and it didn't tickle when it hit my friends, I have no viable skills! Yes, dear siblings, I know you all have multiple unabashed witty comments to throw out, but please, do remember the fragile state of my self esteem. After a full day of being rejected and applying at jobs I'm sure I'd hate, the worst happened. I started talking to myself... and I listened.
The conversation with myself went like this:
Self: If pride is now a past luxury, why not just apply wherever you want Chelle?!
Good idea, self!
Self: What would you like to do?
Me: Well, coaching the womens soccer team at the U would be fun.
Self: Well, gehead, give it a whirl.

So, dear readers, I hope you can't guess what I did next, but yep, I called the coach of the University of Utah's womens soccer team. Our convo went a little something like this (mind you this is not verbatim, but you'll get the general idea):
Coach: Hello
Me: Hello coach, my name is Rachelle Ballard and I would like to offer my services to you and your team.
Coach: Services?
Me: Yes, I am a student at the U and I would like to work for you and the team. So, can you put me to work?
Coach: I'm pretty confused at what you're asking.
Me: Yeah, I can see how that could happen. Mostly I just wanted to know if you need any help with your upcoming season?
Coach: You want to be our manager or something?
Me: Does that pay?
Coach: mmm, not really.
Me: Nope. Got anything else?
Coach: Afraid not. But thanks for being so willing to help.
Me: Your welcome.
Yep. I have hit rock bottom folks. I have nothing else to say. Do you blame me? Needless to admit, if you have any good, VIABLE job options that you think would suit my summer fancy, do let me know.
Now that you see us in the same line-up it doesn't seem like such a far-fetched idea huh!?


Kyle said...

Well, I totally think your blog is awesome!! And just wanted to make the comment of how hot I think you look with a mustache... is that gross?

-Kyle and Emily- said...

No Kyle should ever be heard saying a mustache is gross.

Why a job up there? Why not Southern Utah? Going to live with the homos in SlC all summer? GAY GAy gay.

You should try the softball team at school you know they would want you to help out, you'd fit right in.

Summer Wilson said...

I'm just proud you made that really embarrassing, yet amazing phone call to the coach. I didn't think you had it in ya. Try praying, you'll find a job where you are supposed to be.

Ty * April said...

I too am quite proud of your phone call to the soccer coach. Way to have some gonads.
Just think. They are missing out on your wonderful personality. Although it does quite shock me that Great Harvest wouldn't want your mad cooking skills. Those rolls were the best.

In all seriousness, I agree with Summer. Keep praying. You will find what you need where it needs to be.
Although secretly we are hoping for our own selfish desires that it is more southern than northern. :)

Nat said...

that phone call is killing me. I would shoot myself in the face before I dared do something like that. good job crazy sauce. I disagree with the sistas, go more northern. come get some crap job in logan for the summer and live with us. rent is $150 a month, we all only work part time in the summer so we can play full time. it's the best time of your life, I promise. something to think about. p.s. love the blog. if I were a homo that used the term lol I would tell you that I "lol" every blessed post. good thing I'm not a homo.

bethany said...

Ra-freakin-chelle. That was impressive, one to tell the grandkids if you know what I mean. What about tutoring? Isn't that you were doing before? Now since Leonard his bitten the bullet, you can up the hours. If you haven't found anything in a couple more days I have a serious, actual idea. I'll have to call a few to make sure it's still available, but you can literally do it from home. And it require english skills. Just writing, I think. Anyway, call me if you want me to find out if it's still open. I think it is. Love you

-Kyle and Emily- said...

You are somewhat good at wearing really cute clothes, why don't you try one of those places. You know where I am talking about. MB I could have Naomi talk to that girl!

Anonymous said...

people don't give you jobs BECAUSE your so chiamatic. duh. :) well i guess your stuck with tutoring me... you can up to the dorms and i can pay you over the summer. . . . except i don't have a job either. HEY! your good at tutoring! ask around your ward to see if kids need help with homework or whatever. idk.